Where Are They Now

If you were a big fan of Jem, Sailor Moon, and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles you will definitely want to see this "Where Are They Now" video.

Who Said You Can't Be SGL and Saved?!?

So often many SGL people have turned their back on religion and God because of the lack of acceptance in mainstream religion. Well, Rehoboth Temple is a radically inclusive church right in the heart of Harlem. You can find out more about the church in the video promo below or by clicking here.

Latest Passion

I've been in this whole new redesigning kick lately in my apartment. I have switched my bedrooms and purchased new furniture and the whole nine. I'm even thinking about changing out the sink in the bathroom and some things in the kitchen. I just got my living/dining room to where I am content now. So just posting some pics to show the progress.

I Love Brunches

Here are some pics from a brunch over at Arden's. I love brunches but because I've been going to church on Sunday and service starts at 1, I've been missing my old gang. I was so glad that Arden had one so I skipped church. LOL, don't tell anyone. There is just something about having nothing to do for the day but to sit, socialize and eat. Let me put it to you this way, it started at 1 and I left around 10. We were there so long that Arden fixed dinner as well. Love ya Arden.


I found this piece haunting.

Alma from Rodrigo Blaas on Vimeo.


O.K. Some of you know that I have been dieting and exercising to help get rid of the love handles. And I have brought my weight down from 220 to 205 and have been maintaining. Well, today is our holiday party at work and we are supposed to wear suites and dress up for this event. Mind you, I haven't worn a suite in God only knows. I went through my closet and tried on all of my suit jackets and they are way too big for me now. It reminded me of when I was a kid and would try on my dad's jacket. I found it so weird as I have been a 42 L since high school. And a few years ago these jackets were a little to small for me. Today I went to the store and tried a 40 L and it looks mighty nice on me. I know that my clothes have been a bit loose on me but never expected this.

The problem is now that all of my suites either have to be altered or have to buy all new ones.

"Family" Encore - Directed by Faith Trimel

"Family" returns to Harlem, New York for an encore screening as a part of The Best of QBC Int'l Film Festival '09. Originally in the 2nd Annual Queer Black Cinema International Film Festival 2009 this past October. If you missed the chance this past October or want to see it again, then come out Friday, December 18, 2009 @ 8:00pm

"Family" is a coming-of-age drama/comedy about a group of closeted lesbian friends who make a pact to come out together within 30 days.

What critics have called: "…strong acting and filmmaking."
"engaging and well-realized storylines." "a film that truly reminds us how much we are all, truly Family." METROWEEKLY

This groundbreaking film has been wowing audiences both nationally and internationally with debuts in Los Angeles, Boston, Philadelphia, San Francisco, Amsterdam, South Africa, and many others. It's a true crowd pleaser that features some of Hollywood's hottest up-and-coming actors. Don't miss it!

Friday, December 18, 2009

Doors open at 7:30 PM | Film Starts at 8 PM

The National Black Theater
2031-33 125th Street & 5th Ave.

$10 Get tickets early $12@ The door. This event will most likely sell out!

GROUP TICKETS available at discounted rates for ten or more e-mail Info@queerblackcinema.org SUBJECT: group rates


4,5 or 6 to 125th street & Lexington - Walk 3 blocks on125th St WEST to 5th Ave

1, 2 or 3 to 125th Street & 8th Ave- Walk 3 blockon125th Street EAST to 5th Ave (or take any bus going down 125th)

for more info: http://www.QueerBlackCinema.org/


My Family

Here are just a couple of video clips of my Dad and step-mom and my brother, sister-in-law, nephews and niece.

This is of my nephews and niece dancing. LMAO

This is of my nephews and niece playing wwwf. She is such a tom-boy.

Here my dad and step-mom are at a kind of build-a-bear workshop and never realize that it is for the bears that you create. They thought it was for dogs.

Vevo Launch

I've been excited about Vevo for quite a while. Vevo is a joint ventured owned by EMI/Universal but teched by Google. What does that mean? The easiest way to explain it is that it's the YouTube of music videos. Several recording companies allow their artist videos to be viewed on this site, all in one place. No more going to MTV.com, BET.com and then YouTube trying to find a music video. But even better, to me, is that it has playlists or ones that you can create yourself which will play videos one after another. This would be awesome for a brunch, or get-to-gether. You really have to check it out. www.vevo.com. I was on it earlier and it worked fine but this afternoon, it seems to be a bit slow. Probably first day glitches.

"Maya Angelou Is Insufferable"

This is so wrong but so funny.

Black & Gay IS Beautiful

For those of you who may not have heard but a few weeks ago Donnnie McClurkin was in a youth convocation (COGIC) and talked about homosexuality. There is a reference that has been said that he is comparing gays to vampires. I'm not sure if that was his reference when I listened to it as the video I saw was a bit hard to see. I did pick up on the fact that several times he refers to gay being damned. Which if anyone knows is one of the only true curses. However, there has been a wave of backlash and praise regarding it.

You can view the videos in question part 1. and part 2.

Here is Pastor Tolton's response (click to enlarge):

Alicia Keys YouTube Concert For World AIDS Day

Augmented Reality

Esquire magazine has issued at interactive issue titled "Augmented Reality". This issue has pre-printed bar code type images on different pages. When you download the software and using your webcam, you can have different experiences by holding this coded image up to the webcam. You can see how it works in the video below. I am truly loving this and will probably pick up an issue just for the experience.

Old Pics From Labor Day

I forgot that I've never posted these pics. These are from Labor Day up in Harlem.

Free MBA?!? That's Right, FREE MBA

Wake Forest University has an opportunity for minority students to attend its MBA program for FREE, and so far, the response has been very poor. Please, pass along this opportunity to your friends, families, and networks to see if there is an interest. This is a great school and a tremendous opportunity to attend a top graduate school.

See details below. The contact person information is:

Derrick S. Boone, Ph.D.,
Associate Professor of Marketing
Room 3139 Worrell Professional Center
Babcock Graduate School of Management
Wake Forest University 1834 Wake
Forest Drive Winston-Salem, NC 27109-8758

Email: derrick.boone@...
Website: http://mba.wfu.edu/
Phone: (336)..758.4475;
Toll-free: (866) 925-3622;
Fax: 336,758,4514

The Horribly Slow Murderer with the Extremely Inefficient Weapon by Richard Gale

Kanye West - "We Were Once"

This is a viral short film starring Kanye West. I found it a bit long but interesting. It seems funny to me that this would come out after his debacle at the VMA. Is this just a coincidence? I also think it gets a little weird towards the end but nonetheless I think that it has a strong message.

Enter A'ric

I know some of you may be wondering what has happened since my "Love Deferred or Phoenix Rising?" post. To catch some of you up who didn't read it, I have been getting to know someone since July. Sounds good so far, but he lives in ATL. And the long-distance thing was a major concern with both of us. And I couldn't help but wonder if I should stick with it to see what happens to discover if it would be a phoenix rising or a love deferred.

Well, here's the update: we have decided to continue with it. We have been going strong and I'm loving it. We have plans to see each other a couple of times within the next few months and he will be moving here soon. I have to tell you that even as much as I have been against long distance relationships, it has been surprisingly easy. We talk, chat, email, text all day, everyday. Even our "arguments" are really nothing more than discussions. He so totally gets me and I - him. I haven't had anyone excite me like he does without even ever having sex. Yeah, that's right. We haven't had sex, EVER. Phone sex and webcam - yes, physically - NO. I love the fact that he is comfortable with his sexuality and he has even challenged me on some aspects of my complacency. He is introducing me to his family this holiday season and I plan on introducing him to mine. He has me looking at life so much differently now and can't wait until we are one in the same place.

Here are some pics

Sunday Service at LGBT Center

Join Rehoboth Temple CCC@ the LGBT Center 208 West 13th (btwn 7th & 8th Aves.)this Sunday, October 18th for a special 12:00pm service followed by a Gospel Sunday Brunch-A Benefit for GayByGod.net presented by VERVE!. There is NO COST for the service, but there is a requested donation for the Brunch.

You will be inspired and transformed by the dynamic ministry of RTCCC's service @ 12:00 pm. Following the service stay and be uplifted by the sounds of Jazz & Traditional Gospel music. A southern menu will be served that is sure to satisfy!

Don't miss this opportunity to indulge in an energized atmosphere with great music, food & fellowship.

See you there......
12:00 pm for Rehoboth Temple's Service
2:00 pm for the Gospel Sunday Brunch-A Benefit for GayByGod.net

Requested-Gospel Sunday Brunch-Donation: $25.00


Some people have asked me to post some pics of my family. Below you will see some of the elders of my family. I will add more later.

Target 20 Night for Alvin Ailey

I posted this last year and many people expressed interest so am posting it again this year. For those in the NYC area or coming to the NYC area soon, Target is selling a number of seats to see the award winning Alvin Ailey dancers for $20. You must be there on Saturday to pick up the tickets and let me tell you, you will want to get there early as it is while supplies last. I learned that last year. Once they have completed the $20 tickets, which lasted until around 12 p.m. last year, they will have other discounted tickets for sell as well. Here is the information, click on the image for more info.


I really like this piece. In his contribution, Turvey takes inspiration from the mythical Dr Frankenstein who took parts from different bodies to make a new being. Here, a macabre sequence of events sees fashion follow suit, leading to a surreal and transformational climax.

Thinking of Cruising Restrooms?

Six Flags Trip

Last Friday was "gay day" at Six Flags great adventure from 6 p.m. to midnight. I took off a couple hours early from work and picked up some friends in JC to head down.

If you don't know, I am a true rider. I know some of your minds went dirty for a minute but I love roller coasters. LOL My first thought was that we weren't going to be able to ride everything. I mean, we went earlier this year and even with the speed-pass was barely able to get on most of the big rides and was there all day. However, to my surprise, the park was basically empty. I'll put it to you this way, we walked straight up and jumped on the Kingda Ka..... twice. We rode pretty much everything twice and left before the park closed. I didn't think that I could have so much fun. Even though Kendra got sick on us. LOL

While in line for El Torro, we saw Benny Ninja. I was able to talk to him for a minute and he was cool. I was surprised that he stopped to talk especially after seeing him frown at someone trying to take a picture of him. But I guess it was just the moment because he was cool with me.

Purple St. James

Why am I living for Yahzarah AKA Purple St. James. I think this performance and leaked music video may give you some insight to why.

Love Deferred or Phoenix Rising?

There are so many things that I can say about the VMAs and Kanye West's totally inappropriate behaviour and Beyonce's gracious endeavour. However, I am sure that everyone has heard enough about that. So I will digress and talk about something a little more personal.

When I went to Atlanta in July for the conference I was in a very strange state. If you follow my blog, you may remember the Whitney vs Melonie Daniels (revisited) post that gave a little insight about what was going on. I try not to vent too much information about friends and loved ones here regardless of the situation. But just know that I felt as if I was done wrong in a situation with some friends who have since apologized. In Atlanta I was kind of still dealing with it but in the midst of all of that, I met this guy who intrigued me unto infatuation.

We exchanged numbers but as things go, we really didn't stay in contact too much. We had brief conversations here and there but nothing serious. Well, a couple of weeks ago he called again and the tone was much different. Let's just say that we went 0 to 60 in no time. I thoroughly enjoy him. His aura, disposition, manners, talk, and essence allures me. It really has me wondering if this is the one. And am actually catching feelings for him and he says the same about me.

I even started writing this piece;
"I was in the blinding fog trying to figure out who are my real friends and loved ones. Not quite inured to the betrayal that I felt, I made my way finding each silhouette. Gazing upon their countenance to discern if they be intrinsic friend or foe. But there was one silhouette that did not seem to belong. I could neither decipher this person's reasoning for being there nor their role. But as the white fog lifted revealing the truth, there you stood.... "

Yeah, I know. People say that I fall way too fast. Well, on Saturday we talked for a minute but started really talking about the distance thing. I knew it was bound to come up, it had to. I take it, from our conversation, that he is having second thoughts about falling for someone so far away. ATL from here is more than a notion, baby, to think about just jumping on the road. If it was like 4 hours, then we could see each other several weekends a month but being 16 hours away.... well... The tone in his voice was a little defeated. And I can't say that I blame him or fault him. I was kind of feeling the same way myself. Now we are at this fork in the road and am not sure what to think about it.

Flashback Moment

I heard this song the other day and it took me back. My favorite memory of this song is when my mom and grandmother thought that they were singing "Men-o-pause" instead of "Men-All-Pause" and did everything short of picketing the song. They would go through everytime the song would come on. It was nearly a year later when we found out what their disgust was in the song and after we cleared it up for them, they feel in love with it. But it is so funny to watch the video and imagine if they were singing Menopause instead and you can see why they were disgusted.

How about this one? God, I can't believe that I was so into these songs.

Enter Lilia My'Chelle Turner

Say hello to my newest cousin. She is now 6 months old (born 3-6-09) and adorable.

Homecoming 2009

For those in the NYC area, if you have no plans, please come to my church's homecoming service. I believe that it will be an experience that you do not want to miss. I know typically in the LGBT community the discussion of religion is taboo because of the hurt that many have received from the church. But come and see why I have joined this church and why my life has changed for the better. If you are remotely curious or interested, there is no excuse to miss this one. Our service time is within brunch hours for you club heads. It is conveniently located near mass transportation. Plus there will be free food afterwards. LOL

I Went and Did It!!!

I haven't expressed my uncertainty about car situation on my blog. Primarily because I was torn. I've been rolling in a 2001 Dodge Intrepid that I had paid off a few years ago. It is the first car that I've ever paid off and definitely enjoyed not having a car note. The car, being as old as it is, hasn't really given me the amount of problems that one would expect. Overall, a great car and on top of that there was a little sentimental value placed on it because it was the car that my mom wanted before she passed.

So what's the dilemma? Well, the car is getting older and although never been a problem, in the last few months I had to pay $1000 for repairs and found out that there was another $1000 to go. Thank God, none of which is engine related and would appear to be non-on-going issues. So I toiled over whether I should run my Intrepid to the ground or get a new one. Running to the ground would mean some money to fix what was currently wrong with the car and the fear of the unknown. If I purchased a new car, that fear of the unknown would be greatly reduced if not eliminated but I'm back into a car note.

Well, long story short, I purchased a new car on last night. I immediately had buyer's remorse thinking about the payment but it is subsiding the more I drive it and realize the peace of mind that I now have. Plus I love it.

So Worth The View

You guys have heard me recently talk about an artist named Dy'Ari. I have seen this artist on the LGBT circuit over the last year or so and have become such a fan. I had the opportunity to work with him on a couple of projects and have just fallen in love with him. That is as a friend, he has a lover ya'll and they are HAPPILY married. He is one of the most intrinsic artists that I have met. He is very transparent, sincere, down-to-earth, and not to mention sexy. Take a minute to check out his testimony here. Again, it is so worth it.

Here is my vimeo vid of it but for those who can't see vimeo, see below for the YouTube version

Here is another version on YouTube

Whitney Baby!!!

Just had to post that I just downloaded my pre-ordered Whitney CD. I'm loving it. Yeah!!!

Jersey City Pride 2009

I have to admit that I love JC Pride. Probably more than the other NYC Prides. Primarily because the JC Pride is not as pretensious as the others. You know what I mean, you go to Manhattan and everyone is standing around as if to say, "Look upon my beauty and adore me. You know you want to be me". Whereas JC's is more people friendly and just plain fun. People can be themselves and just let loose.

It started off with a music/entertainment festival where some very impressive LGBT artists performed. Some notables this year are Dy'Ari, LaLa, Kelly King (sings in the whistle register better than Mariah), Stewart Lewis, and Ten Year Vamp. Around 6:30 p.m. they cleared the stage and opened it up for a dance party in the middle of the street. You had your children there who like to vogue, dip and walk but unlike some other events everyone was encouraged to just get out there and do something. All in the name of just having fun. It was such fun to see some of the older lesbians vogueing.

This went on until around 8 p.m. and then everyone headed over to the after party at the Hard Grove Cafe. They blocked off the street and had another dance party until midnight. I danced and carried on way too much. I have to say that this was the most fun that I've had all year.

Disruptive Realism

I don't know how many of you will remember or are familiar with a song by the Talking Heads called "Once In A Lifetime". It was last featured in the movie "American Beauty". But the lyrics are something like this (leaving out some parts):

"And you may find yourself living in a shotgun shack
And you may find yourself in another part of the world
And you may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile
And you may find yourself in a beautiful house, with a beautiful
And you may ask yourself-well...how did I get here?
And you may ask yourself
How do I work this?
And you may ask yourself
Where is that large automobile?
And you may tell yourself
This is not my beautiful house!
And you may tell yourself
This is not my beautiful wife!
And you may ask yourself
What is that beautiful house?
And you may ask yourself
Where does that highway go?
And you may ask yourself
Am I right? ...am I wrong?
And you may tell yourself
My god!...what have I done? "

I sometimes find myself in a similar state of mind that I will describe as disruptive realism. You know, when you wake up one day and try to make sense of where you are in life, how did you get there, why is it so, where are you going from here? Why does it seem that no one really wants to settle down? Why is it that some people, who are cheating themselves, get so upset with their significant other for cheating? Why can't they just agree to have an open relationship? Can I REALLY trust my BEST friends? Why am I STILL single? Do I REALLY want a relationship right now? Am I ready for a relationship right now? Where does all of my money go? Was it really beneficial for me to graduate with my masters? Should I have stopped with my bachelors? Why is there still prejudice? Why do people kill one another? Why is homophobia so strong in people that they feel the need to physically/verbally oppress SGL's? Why is there hair growing on my back? Is that natural? Is that why I'm still single? etc.

Then I awaken from the utopia that I've created within my head where everything is bliss and there is an answer for every question. I come to the reality that I don't have all of the answers and never will. That life sometimes isn't fair, right or will go my way. That I've made some excellent, good, not the best, and down-right stupid decisions in my life. Then it makes me just stand back for a moment and say, "Whoa!". Disruptive realism.

Let Yourself Feel

Why do we live so protective of all of our emotions? Don't get me wrong, I understand not wanting to be hurt by those you let close to you. But does that require for us to go through life totally removed from emotions? Afraid to feel rejection by telling someone that we find them attractive and would like to ask them out. Afraid of feeling discarded by telling our lover what they really mean to us in fear that they may realize their worth and leave. Afraid to feel abandonment by telling friends and loved ones our true sexuality. Afraid of true love so we distance ourselves from anyone who may be perfectly suited for us. Afraid to feel hurt, disappointment and joy that comes with self evaluation so we know ourselves only on the surface. Afraid to show that we are vulnerable and let someone know that we are hurt. Afraid to just say that we are scared.

I say let yourself feel. It's OK. After all that is what makes us human. (you may have to click on the full screen button to view the text on this video)

Dy'Ari's Listening Party

If you saw or read my post about the white party, then you read that I mention Dy'Ari. Dy'Ari has been labeled an electro-pop artist but I think he transcends that label. I've heard him sing R&B, jazz, and pop and he does it well.

Last night Dy'Ari had his listening party for an anticipated 2 CD's to be released in the next few months. There were over 70 people who stopped by and listened to selections from the upcoming CD's (Inked & Encyclo-Dy'Ari). Unfortunately I didn't receive a list of all of the songs played but some of my favorites to note are "Colors of me" and "Sexy". Colors of me is a very smoothed out R&B song that sounds like Ne-Yo would have had his hands in it. By far, I think this is my favorite song. Sexy is a more up-tempo, club song that just serves it to you. If I had a body like his, I would write a song called sexy as well. But I won't go on and on about the various songs but instead will give you a few places to follow this independent artist and a few vids of previous performances. Check him out and let's support him.

Dy'Ari's Official Links

Here are some of the pics from the listening party held last night at Secrets in Manhattan.

McFerrin Demonstrates the Power of the Pentatonic Scale

White Party Cruise 2009

I hope everyone had a great weekend. The NYC area had some decent weather this weekend and made for a lovely Saturday. I finally rearranged my apartment and am loving it. I don't want to leave half the time any longer. But did make my way to James Saunder's White Party Cruise.

If you love grown and sexy events, this one is for you. This annual event is upon one of the luxury ships off of the Chelsea Piers and sails all around Manhattan, Brooklyn, Staten Island, Ellis Island, and Bayonne. I am so glad that I attended this event. I met so many wonderful people and the music was banging. I thought that since it was from midnight - 4 a.m. that I would be tired but the time went by so fast with the quality entertainment. Many entertainers were on board and made the show a lot of fun. My new friend Dy'Ari performed along with Allyson Williams (Just Call My Name). There were several exotic dancers roving around as well. I almost had my eye put out by one. Nonetheless, I will say that, again, I am another satisfied customer.


Queer Black Cinema International Film & Music Festival is now accepting entries (short, docs, narratives, music videos) for our 2009 festival. We are looking for the best films from around the world. Films must be LGBTQ themed, highlighting the Black LGBTQ experience in a non-stereotypical light, preserve the culture and history through in-depth storytelling. More than half of the key crew positions must be filled by people who identify themselves as a person of color on a daily basis.

Straight, trans-people and international filmmakers of African descent are encourage to apply.

DEADLINE: August. 15th
FILM: http://issuu.com/queerblackcinema.org/docs/filmentryform2009

For additional information go to: http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=133859477576

Join us on Facebook at: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=36481754399

Queer Black Cinema International Film & Music Festival is a progressive socially conscious film festival that will bring you the best Black LGBTQ theme films from around the world. The four day festival consist of not only ground-breaking films but also panel discussions with filmmakers, industry professionals and community leaders followed by a music concert from some of the hottest emerging and establish leading musicians. QBC Int'l Film & Music Festival is an entity of Queer Black Cinema.org. We are fiscally sponsored by Mix Queer Experimental Film Festival, a 501c-3 not for profit organization. Donations are tax deductable using our sponsor. be sure to include Queer Black Cinema name on the memo. You may also donate online to our I WANT MY QBCcampaign.

Sponsorship Opportunities/advertisement spots and tabling for our the Black LGBTQ Film/Book Mini Market is now available. E-mail info@queerblackcinema.org for details including volunteering

Fellowship 2009

Many of you know that I attend Rehoboth Temple church. Well, we had our Fellowship conference which is where all of the churches from all over the world come for a week long conference full of events, workshops and fellowship. It was so uplifting to see other SGL people worshiping God and loving themselves and others. There were over 4000 people there in ATL and was truly a blessed event. I kept crying for the first three days listening to the testimonies of others like Rizi Nasele Timane's.

Rizi is a Nigerian born, equal rights activist whose story challenges me in my comfort zone. You can check out her video here. Listen to the words of the song titled, "Come Out" here.

Here are some of the pics and vids that I managed to capture while there. Some were taking during the banquet for Bishop and there is a lot of background noise but you get the idea. I tried to catch some of the shouting moments but kept going in myself. Oh well.

Here is the step team from the conference

This is my new sis Tanya Maryoung

Teresa Teri & UniQue

Acting stupid with the guys on the Jacksons


As you stare in the mirror, you recite the lyrics of your song over and over again.
You put on your foundation and meticulously put each eyelash on perfectly.
Applied and reapplied your lipstick a dozen times until it was just right.
Spent 15 minutes trying to get that one curl in its rightful place.
You slide into that perfect dress that hides those, not so perfect sections but accentuates those banging areas.
You top it off with the right pair of pumps that elevate you close to how you feel about yourself at that moment.
You finish and say to yourself, “Perfect!”
As you wait backstage your heart races in anticipation of your performance.
Then they call your name and you then walk on stage to cheers and ovations.
All of your relentless hours of rehearsing take over.
You pour everything you have into your performance but the crowd’s cheers push you on even further in this reciprocated interaction.
You are the queen of the night.
As you finish your last selection, the thunderous applause uplifts and energizes your sense of accomplishment.
You rush backstage and again stare in the mirror.
This time you deconstruct the hours of work that you put into making yourself up only to reveal your true physical appearance; a man. Reality steps in.
As you pack up your bags and walk out of the club you pass those people who just adorned you with cheers and admiration.
Now, they won’t look twice at you as you are not “man” enough for them.
Such irony.
As you travel home, the fear of ignorant homophobes cause you to hail a cab.
As you head home alone to your over- cramped, low rent apartment you already start thinking about your next performance.
After a while you reach into your pocket and pull out your nights’ earnings.
5… 6… 7…. 10 ….14… 15…. 25 …. 26….. 27…. $27
Just as you finish you pull up to your apartment, the cab fare was $16.35

Whitney Houston vs. Melonie Daniels Revisited

Ok, if you don't remember my post about Whitney vs Melonie, you can read it here. Now, I will sometimes have dreams that are a bit prophetic about something about to happen in my life. Usually when something that is disturbing to me. For example, I dreamed of seven deaths and shortly thereafter, seven close friends and family members began to die with the last being my mom and grandmother. It was the same with my Whit-Mel dream.

I knew that it meant something which is why I blogged about it. The very day that I posted this entry I found out that a friend of mine is HIV+. This doesn't normally bother me but this was different as this friend has gone through sleeping with many other friends of mine and had not advised them of his status AND was having unprotected sex with them. Oh, did I mention that he was in a relationship with one of my best friends.

It became clear what the dream was about. Remember, both Melonie and Whitney were good friends of mine in my dream. While they fought, I felt overwhelmingly torn between the two but yet felt as one was undeniably in the wrong. Such were my feelings between my two friends.

Dedicated to Cocoa and BD

I hope that everyone enjoyed their pride on yesterday in NYC. I had a blast. I will be posting pics and vids soon but had this one thing that I wanted to post on Friday but never got around to it. I heard this song for the first time on Thursday titled "Don't You Pay Them No Mind" by Nina Simone. The recording wasn't the best and cuts off half way through but the lyrics to the words touched me. And really had me wondering is she was talking about a SGL relationship. Either way I found it very inspiring and encouraging and appropriate for Pride month. Here is the vid and the lyrics are below. I also posted another video (on a lighter note). I dedicate both videos to Cocoa Rican and his lover (fiancé) BD.

"If people laugh each time they see us walking by and their whispering just make you feel like you wanna cry. Keep on walking by my side don't look behind. You know I love you, so don't you pay em' no mind.

People say our love ain't gonna last too long. And they point at us, just like we've been doing something wrong, keep on looking in my eyes and we'll be fine. You see I love you, so don't you pay em' no mind.

Stay with me and let em' see, let em' know that you love me, that u love me, if it's true who cares what they do? Cause I don't need anyone but you. Just you and me, we're gonna make it all alone. Let them laugh at us, we're gonna build a world all our own, Keep on then, keep on holdin on to me,they'll learn in time. I really love you, so don't you pay em' no mind. You know I love you, you know I can't be without you."

I've Just Experienced Drama Dupree

I saw this on another blog today and this was my first experience with Drama Dupree. I believe I will be a long time subscriber. LOL

His blog is http://dramadupree.com/

Spectrum (Recreating Self) Project

Here are some untouched pics (screenshots) from a video project that I'm working on. I hope to have it finished and posted by the end of the month.

This Weekend's Events

There are two things of note going on this weekend. If you are around, come check them out.

Recreating Self-"Clothed in Our Right Minds"
Date: Saturday, June 20, 2009 from 3:00 PM - 6:00 PM (ET)

Cost: Free

Rehoboth Temple Christ Conscious Church
310 West 139th St. (between Frederick Douglass & Edgecombe)
New York, 10013

We invite you to our series of discussions around "Recreating Self". The conversation during our discussions will focus on recreating ourselves mentally, physically, financially and spiritually.

We ask the question, “Have you been struggling to reconcile your sexuality with your relationship with God?” It has been found that many in our community feel a spiritual disconnect from God because of their sexuality. For many, the politics of this world, relationships, friends and even family have left them feeling empty and alone.

1) Dealing with the beliefs, stereotypes and untruths that have been internalized within us.
2) Freeing ourselves from behaviors/labels/stigmas that have been placed on us.
3) Examining the need of community “socially normative” individuals to validate their negativity
toward marginalized individuals.
4) Empowering one's self to become free.
5) Going back to the communities of our oppressors to validate ourselves by our lives and
not solely by our words.
2nd Annual Tavern of Creativity - Spring Fever
Host: Cathy Delaleu

Baha'i Center
53 East 11th Street
New York, NY 10003 US

When: Sunday, June 21, 5:00PM

Let the rhythm flow with spring fever at our fingertips. Come and enjoy this unique event you won't want to miss. Poets, artists and musicians uniting in one special space to create magic.

Poetry reading starts at 6pm sharp. Two open mics will be selected from the audience.

Your $5 donations will get you a raffle ticket for a chance to win some cool artsy prizes.

This event starts at 5pm and ends at 9:30pm. Refreshments will be served.

No Looking Back (Pt 3 Revelations)

... I found myself at Pride. It was your usual myriads of half naked men and women parading down the street celebrating life. Then, I heard a familiar sound from the distance. It was church music. And not just church music, Pentecostal style music. Instantly, I was like, "What the....?!?" And sure enough, there was a float for a church with SGL people on it in the middle of Pride. I instantly knew that I had to get a flyer but at the same time knew that they had to be from out-of-town. It was to my surprise that I realized that they were in Harlem. I know, right?!? Harlem!!!

So I decided to give it a try. And, although it is a bit smaller than many of the churches that I've been affiliated with as an adult, I realized then, that my life was going to change. I have to admit that it did take a bit off guard to have a gay minister and to see SGL people sitting together and being a part of the service. I even found myself doing double takes when I would forget where I was. But I think the most impressive thing was that the message wasn't watered down. This wasn't a joke and people were serious. Now don't get me wrong. I'm not talking about being deep in the way that traditional churches are. You know when people are so heaven-bound that they are no earthly good. No, these people are REAL but still have a love for God.

I wasn't long before I joined this church (Rehoboth Temple). I found myself learning to love myself again and to accept myself. Not just as a gay/bi male but as a child of God knowing that God loves me and has designed me. I found the hatred that I had for "church" and "religious people" beginning to disappear. I realized that the tactics used by some "christian" churches is a weapon of evil to make SGL people feel less than human, less than a child of God in order to create unhealthy lives, broken relationships, and no sense of well-being. In this way we will act as I did in the past and continue being the monsters that they try to make us out to be. I started to let go of so many things that I was holding onto from my past. But I think most of all, I realized that I need to apologize to so many people.

To my immediate family - I apologize for not allowing you to know who I truly am as a person and not having faith in your love for me.

To my ex-lover, boyfriends, interests - I apologize for not giving 100% of myself. For the torture that I put you through living a double life. For you having to deal with all of the pain, and insecurities. For allowing other people's limited acceptance manipulate our lives.

To my friends (who don't know me entirely -
I apologize for underestimating our friendship and love therefore giving you a pseudo-friendship. I realize by not being open and honest with you that I hindered our relationship from being deeper and more meaningful.

To my community (future generations) - I apologize for not being that pioneer to stand-up boldly, helping to bring down those old beliefs. Helping them to realize that sexuality is only a small part of us but is still a part of us. That love is love.

To my ex-girlfriend - I apologize for not being 100% open with you and my sexuality. For wasting your time and allowing you to love my guise.

To gay affirming churches - I apologize for giving my time, talent, tithes and efforts to churches that didn't accept or embrace me completely or would tolerate me as long as I was quiet. All of this time I could have been helping to raise the bar at a place of acceptance. I apologize to all of the people that I could have ministered to, allowing them to see that they do not have to put up with an abusive relationship (them and their church relationship). Sitting there being verbally abused Sunday after Sunday and being torn down on the inside.

I am not pretending to have it "all-together" as life is about on-going revelations and experiences but I know that in order to move-on, I must right the wrongs from my past.

I vow to disclose who I am to my family, loved ones, friends and anyone who needs to hear it. To live my life in a way that is healthy, and prosperous mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually.

Whitney Houston vs. Melonie Daniels

Part 3 to "No Turning Back" should be posted in the next couple of days but in the meantime I had to post this dream that I had last night.

It started off with Beyonce coming over to my house. Evidently we were tight like that and when she would come in town, she would just stay at my house. Anyway, she came in town for a concert where there were several artists performing. Some kind of way, I was backstage and watching Beyonce perform. But I was also in charge of getting the next artist ready to perform. So Ms. Whitney Houston was there but Melonie Daniels was performing first. So Mel walks up and we were really happy to see each other and hugged and laughed for a minute. But I remember that I wanted to go to the front of the stage for something. No sooner did I get up there and I heard this disruption. I turn around and Mel is sliding across the stage. It was Mel and Whitney fighting. I was so shocked. Mel, you could tell, didn't want to fight but Whitney was just going crazy. At one point they were rolling around on the floor pulling hair and everything. At that point Mel was just getting fed up and finally began fighting back. Some people try to break it up and separated the two. Some kind of way Whitney got loose and charged Mel, tackling her to the ground. Pumps were flying everywhere. Next thing I know, Whitney drop kicks Mel off of the stage and the stage was on fire. I woke up and was like wtf?!?

Then I had another dream where Mel was at another event and I tried to reach out to her but couldn't reach her and just about when I was ready to touch her, she vanished. I don't know what I ate but dayum.

Omar Ramon Boxing?!?

I'm sorry but I couldn't resist. I saw this pic and it reminds so much of Omar (if he were a straight boxer) LOL

No Looking Back (Pt 2 Shedding Layers)

After moving here, I originally stepped out boldly living my new life. Upon entering grad school and work, I was very open about my sexuality and actually began living my life without fear of reprisal. I began to really notice the full extent of the damage of living closeted. Ways previously unknown.

With that being said, there was one avenue that I tended to hold on to. In retrospect, I believe that in trying to save the relationship, I tried to cling back to the familiar with the hopes of rekindling us. I joined a COGIC church here in Jersey City (JC) and began living a double life again. You see, we met in church and both were active in the church back in the south. On the plus side, this time, I was only somewhat closeted. I was free most of the week (which I spent in NYC), it was only when I came back to JC to go to church that I put on the front. He soon followed and joined. Unfortunately, it was too late for us.

This carried on for about a year to year and a half until one day while at convocation, a preacher begin preaching about gays. That didn't bother me as much as I had become used to it by this time but because it was a message of hate. He actually said that we should get back to the days when "we" would kick little limp-wrist, sissy boys in the butt. And then to hear the church all amen and hallelujah to it struck a chord. As I sat there and wondered if he realized that if he did that today, it would be a hate crime. Something changed. It wouldn't manifest itself until a while later while I was at the church picnic. I had a wonderful time and just decided to take a walk and while on that walk it was like God himself spoke to me and told me that this life wasn't for me. That He had something better. On the way home I told my roommate that I wasn't coming back and didn't.

I tried to establish a new relationship with someone but people here just don't have the same interest in settling down as in other places that I've lived. I had my heart broken more than a few times and pretty much gave up on intrinsically dating someone with hopes of settling down. A bit lost and confused, I just began living my life any ol' kind of way. I've done some things that I am nowhere near proud of. Nothing illegal but living beneath my privilege. I had unprotected sex, began sleeping with every Tom that had a Dick that was Hairy, men, women, in-between, two-somes, three-somes, and more-somes. It is so funny how we can so quickly slip into something (I mean that in more ways than one). It is only by the grace of God that I never tested positive. I tried to feel love in any way possible. Even if it meant for me to pretend in my head while being with the one-night stands, etc. I tried to feel the love that couples had while being involved in three-somes with them. Kind of living through them. At that point, anything was better than nothing.

Then one day....

Stay tuned for part 3

No Looking Back (Pt 1 Under Wraps)

This is probably the most personal post that I've written in a while but it needs to be said. I was listening to "No Looking Back" by Damita Haddon (see video above) and that song just got all in me. You must listen to the words to really understand where I am going in this post. But, I began thinking about how this is where I feel that I am in my life right now.

You see, before I moved to the NYC area I lived in Hilton Head, SC and Savannah, GA. There I lived half-in and half-out of the closet. You know what I mean; you have a few friends house that you could wild out at but everything else was on the low. I had a lover and we had the "fake room" so that when people stopped by, we could pretend that we slept in different rooms, etc. I did this mostly because I didn't want to disrupt my great-grandparents life with rumors of my lifestyle getting back to them but I also had my issues of insecurity.

While listening to the song I thought about how living in that way made life so stressful for both of us. So much so that it lead to a very unhealthy and abusive relationship. Until I realized that in order to save us and to save myself that we would have to leave and go where we could be free. This was despite the fact that I had planned to stay around until my great-grandmother passed on so that she wouldn't be there without me. After making arrangements to have here well taken care of, we decided to move to the NYC area.

I remember that feeling of regret while riding in that tore up U-Haul truck, not knowing how we were going to support ourselves, no job lined up for neither of us, how I was going to have all of the money that I needed for school and not knowing if it was too late to try to salvage my relationship. Regret, not for those things but for the damage that was done to both myself and my lover while trying to live a double life. I remember praying that it wasn't too late to save what we had. But I knew that I was now free, I know that God loves me and that was all that really mattered. I refused to live that way again.

Stay tuned for Part 2.

New Creative Challenge/Creative Challenge Submissions

New Creative Challenge:
The topic for the next Creative Challenge will be "Pride" in celebration of pride month. You will have until 6/30 to submit your entries. Happy Pride!!!

Creative Challenge Submissions:
Here are the submitted pieces for this month's Creative Challenge with the theme of AIDS. I love you Cath.

Love had nothing to do with it
You hear me?
I was simply hungry for a meal and he offered
Offered without hesitation
I agreed to let him spend the night on one condition
That he sleeps on the couch
While I stayed put in my bedroom
Wearing my sexiest nighty
I came out of the room to go brush my teeth
Of course, he saw me
His mouth dropped at the sight of cleavage and long legs
Loss of words,
I tell you, the look on his face was “priceless”
I knew what I was doing
Brushed my teeth real good then headed back to the room
In the dark
We spoke about poetry
He asked questions as if he was a radio jockey
Wondering why I’m so fascinated with words
Then there was silence
I thought he had fallen asleep
“Kiella? Are you still up?”
“Yeah,” I replied from the bedroom
“Can I join you?”
“Where are we going?” I jokingly asked
“I want to hold you…that’s all.”
Deep down inside I knew it wasn’t going to last
His footsteps were heard in the dark
I felt his thick, warm body close to mine
He pulled me close, wrapped his arms around my waist
It only took five minutes
It was way too tempting not to turn around
And do the do
When it was over
We were both exhausted
The next morning I woke up to find him staring right at me
“I’m in love,” he said with a sweet smile
“What love has to do with a midnight snack?”
“Is that what you call it?”
“It is what it is.”
He got up and went back to the couch
I went back to sleep
©2009by Cathy Delaleu

Didn’t you get the memo?
I thought it was evident that love has left the building
You won’t feel this summer’s shadow on your bed
No E-vites
No E-Cards
No free membership to my Bally’s
No I-Tunes
No lyrics for free
As a matter of fact you can dunk your donut elsewhere
Don’t you dare use my home as your depot
Yes, love has left the building along with the phone sex
The yahoo messenger
Porn videos you enjoyed so much while I dirty danced my way to you
Entertainment is not tonight
Victoria took her secret back
You can relax
I’m ok being solo
I’ve taken with me the dog, the fish, cleaned up the fridge
wiped out the bank account
My groove came back 168 hours ago
7 days to be exact
at a poetry event in the village
Mr. Ken stepped up to me
Fine as hell
Can you spell pfine?
How pfine?
He had me stuttering
I don’t usually stutter during a performance on stage
But he was looking at me as if he could devour me right there like cheesecake
Hi, I’m cheesecake, my eyes said to him
I’m strawberry, he threw back, licking his lips
Ha! Ha!
See, he had to ask
Didn’t just grab it
He was a gentleman about it
Not how you did it when we met online
The way you lied about your age and pictures
See, you tricked me more than once
Why did I give in?
Don’t know, must have been crazy lonely
You know, loneliness is an empty glass of Cosmo
You fill it up when you get thirsty
I filled up my glass with my sexy spoken-word
It was a wrap
Ken was immediately hooked
You’re replaceable
I wake up and to my left is Mr. Ken
Pfine as hell
I tell you, I don’t need breakfast in the morning
I can eat him up just by watching him sleep
It’s not a sin to move on
Not a sin to be happy with someone new
When it’s new even the sheets scream happy, joy, joy
The pillows smell Downey April fresh
Waking up for work sucks
I bitch and moan about it
Can’t wait to run back home to the new toy waiting
I’m the Barbie he gets to play with
He’s the Frederick’s to my Hollywood
Every night I’m a different character
Tonight I’m his Crazy In Love, Beyonce
Bouncing booty at 80 mph
He is hypnotized, can’t stop drooling
Baby do you need a napkin?
I give him a taste of my tropics
Taking him to Haiti
Where he eats the rice, beans, best of all the spicy pork
I tell him don’t bite too hard on my mangoes
They’re ripped enough to give him cavities
You look upset?
Should I go on about Ken wanting to buy his Barbie a house?
I’m his KFC
Krazy Fine Cliterature
Literally, the clit speaks to him in tongues
Can’t focus on the ceiling fan
When he’s causing adequate riot
Are you taking note?
Again why did I bother with you?
Must have been pretty bored when I surfed the net
All I can say is
You’re the biggest LOSER
©2009 by Cathy Delaleu

Ready To Male and Friends Part Two: Simply Beautiful @ Yahoo

Creative Challenge Update.

I have received one entry for the creative challenge, so far, but it isn't too late. I will post all entries by Saturday of this week so you have until then to submit your entry.

For more information on this month's challenge, you can go here.

Europride: "Puff"

I loved this. I just couldn't resist.

2nd Annual Tavern of Creativity- Spring Fever

Many of you already know Cathy Delaleu but for those who don't, you can check out her blog here. Cathy is a celebrated poet whose style is both intelligent and sensual. Those of you who know me, know I live for some Cathy. lol Anyway she is having her second annual Tavern of Creativity. All creative people are asked to participate. This is an opportunity for aspiring poets, musicians, and artists to share their craft. Here is the info:

Location: Baha'i Center
53 East 11th Street
New York, NY 10003
When: Sunday, June 21, 5:00PM
Phone: 212-545-4163

Let the rhythm flow with spring fever at our fingertips. Come and enjoy this unique event you won't want to miss. Poets, artists and musicians uniting in one special space to create magic.

Poetry reading starts at 6pm sharp. Two open mics will be selected from the audience.

Your $5 donations will get you a raffle ticket for a chance to win some cool artsy prizes.

This event starts at 5pm and ends at 9:30pm. Refreshments will be served.

Ailey at BAM

Last time there were tickets beginning at $20 to see the Alvin Ailey dance group, some people were mad at me for not telling them. So here you go.

One Week Only June 9-14
Tickets start at $20

Following last year's triumphant season at BAM, Ailey returns to Brooklyn with tow new programs.

Program A
"Best of Ailey"
and Hymn
June 9 & 11 at 7:30 p.m.
June 13 at 2p.m. and 7:30 p.m.

Program B
Classic Ailey
Blues Suite (with live music),
Anniversary Highlights,
and Revelations
June 10 & 12 at 7:30 p.m.
June 14 at 3 p.m. and 7:30 p.m.

Click here to purchase tickets

Rooftop Films

Last Friday I went to an event called the Rooftop Films and can't go on enough about it. They hold mini film festivals weekly through the summer on the tops of roofs. It sounds hokey but being outside on the top of a building where you are able to see downtown, the bridges, etc was really cool.

They usually start off with a band and then begin to show the films. The films are typically shorts and more of the independent film style. So if you are looking for X-Men, well, you probably won't enjoy yourself. But if you enjoy movies such as the Science of Sleep, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, etc, then you'll probably enjoy these films.

They only have a limited amount of seats so you must get there early if you want one but it is all good if you don't. People bring comforters, blankets, and picnic while they are there. We are talking close to 2000 people where I was in Chinatown. They had three screens to help accommodate everyone and there really wasn't a bad seat in the house.

Below are some pics from their website. Of course I forgot my camera. LOL

RIP Darrell Simmons

This past Monday one of my neighborhood friends was strangled to death in his apartment. They evidently had been arguing when Leonardo Novoa decided to end the life of Darrell. Darrell who was one of those people that always brought a smile to your face was also one of the most giving people I've met. He will truly be missed.

AIDS Walk/Church Anniversary

First as a reminder, please see my post about the Creative Challenge and "Gay = Sin" video.

As some of you may recall, I am walking in the AIDS Walk this Sunday. I am almost at my goal of $250 with $200 raised to date. I am hoping that readers of this blog may contribute what they have to help me reach my goal. This can be any dollar amount and you can even sponsor anonymously. To sponsor on-line, just go to this website:


Again, thanks.

Church Anniversary

For those who aren't doing anything Sunday, stop by my church for our 3rd Anniversary. We are an inclusive church and it is a come as you are so there is not excuse. LOL

"Gay = Sin" By Matthew Brown


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