I hope that everyone enjoyed their pride on yesterday in NYC. I had a blast. I will be posting pics and vids soon but had this one thing that I wanted to post on Friday but never got around to it. I heard this song for the first time on Thursday titled "Don't You Pay Them No Mind" by Nina Simone. The recording wasn't the best and cuts off half way through but the lyrics to the words touched me. And really had me wondering is she was talking about a SGL relationship. Either way I found it very inspiring and encouraging and appropriate for Pride month. Here is the vid and the lyrics are below. I also posted another video (on a lighter note). I dedicate both videos to Cocoa Rican and his lover (fiancé) BD.
Lyrics:
"If people laugh each time they see us walking by and their whispering just make you feel like you wanna cry. Keep on walking by my side don't look behind. You know I love you, so don't you pay em' no mind.
People say our love ain't gonna last too long. And they point at us, just like we've been doing something wrong, keep on looking in my eyes and we'll be fine. You see I love you, so don't you pay em' no mind.
Stay with me and let em' see, let em' know that you love me, that u love me, if it's true who cares what they do? Cause I don't need anyone but you. Just you and me, we're gonna make it all alone. Let them laugh at us, we're gonna build a world all our own, Keep on then, keep on holdin on to me,they'll learn in time. I really love you, so don't you pay em' no mind. You know I love you, you know I can't be without you."
Monday, June 29, 2009
Thursday, June 25, 2009
I've Just Experienced Drama Dupree
I saw this on another blog today and this was my first experience with Drama Dupree. I believe I will be a long time subscriber. LOL
His blog is http://dramadupree.com/
His blog is http://dramadupree.com/
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Spectrum (Recreating Self) Project
Here are some untouched pics (screenshots) from a video project that I'm working on. I hope to have it finished and posted by the end of the month.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
This Weekend's Events
There are two things of note going on this weekend. If you are around, come check them out.
Recreating Self-"Clothed in Our Right Minds"
Date: Saturday, June 20, 2009 from 3:00 PM - 6:00 PM (ET)
Cost: Free
Location:
Rehoboth Temple Christ Conscious Church
310 West 139th St. (between Frederick Douglass & Edgecombe)
New York, 10013
We invite you to our series of discussions around "Recreating Self". The conversation during our discussions will focus on recreating ourselves mentally, physically, financially and spiritually.
We ask the question, “Have you been struggling to reconcile your sexuality with your relationship with God?” It has been found that many in our community feel a spiritual disconnect from God because of their sexuality. For many, the politics of this world, relationships, friends and even family have left them feeling empty and alone.
1) Dealing with the beliefs, stereotypes and untruths that have been internalized within us.
2) Freeing ourselves from behaviors/labels/stigmas that have been placed on us.
3) Examining the need of community “socially normative” individuals to validate their negativity
toward marginalized individuals.
4) Empowering one's self to become free.
5) Going back to the communities of our oppressors to validate ourselves by our lives and
not solely by our words.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
2nd Annual Tavern of Creativity - Spring Fever
Host: Cathy Delaleu
Location:
Baha'i Center
53 East 11th Street
New York, NY 10003 US
When: Sunday, June 21, 5:00PM
Let the rhythm flow with spring fever at our fingertips. Come and enjoy this unique event you won't want to miss. Poets, artists and musicians uniting in one special space to create magic.
Poetry reading starts at 6pm sharp. Two open mics will be selected from the audience.
Your $5 donations will get you a raffle ticket for a chance to win some cool artsy prizes.
This event starts at 5pm and ends at 9:30pm. Refreshments will be served.
Recreating Self-"Clothed in Our Right Minds"
Date: Saturday, June 20, 2009 from 3:00 PM - 6:00 PM (ET)
Cost: Free
Location:
Rehoboth Temple Christ Conscious Church
310 West 139th St. (between Frederick Douglass & Edgecombe)
New York, 10013
We invite you to our series of discussions around "Recreating Self". The conversation during our discussions will focus on recreating ourselves mentally, physically, financially and spiritually.
We ask the question, “Have you been struggling to reconcile your sexuality with your relationship with God?” It has been found that many in our community feel a spiritual disconnect from God because of their sexuality. For many, the politics of this world, relationships, friends and even family have left them feeling empty and alone.
1) Dealing with the beliefs, stereotypes and untruths that have been internalized within us.
2) Freeing ourselves from behaviors/labels/stigmas that have been placed on us.
3) Examining the need of community “socially normative” individuals to validate their negativity
toward marginalized individuals.
4) Empowering one's self to become free.
5) Going back to the communities of our oppressors to validate ourselves by our lives and
not solely by our words.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
2nd Annual Tavern of Creativity - Spring Fever
Host: Cathy DelaleuLocation:
Baha'i Center
53 East 11th Street
New York, NY 10003 US
When: Sunday, June 21, 5:00PM
Let the rhythm flow with spring fever at our fingertips. Come and enjoy this unique event you won't want to miss. Poets, artists and musicians uniting in one special space to create magic.
Poetry reading starts at 6pm sharp. Two open mics will be selected from the audience.
Your $5 donations will get you a raffle ticket for a chance to win some cool artsy prizes.
This event starts at 5pm and ends at 9:30pm. Refreshments will be served.
Monday, June 15, 2009
No Looking Back (Pt 3 Revelations)
... I found myself at Pride. It was your usual myriads of half naked men and women parading down the street celebrating life. Then, I heard a familiar sound from the distance. It was church music. And not just church music, Pentecostal style music. Instantly, I was like, "What the....?!?" And sure enough, there was a float for a church with SGL people on it in the middle of Pride. I instantly knew that I had to get a flyer but at the same time knew that they had to be from out-of-town. It was to my surprise that I realized that they were in Harlem. I know, right?!? Harlem!!!
So I decided to give it a try. And, although it is a bit smaller than many of the churches that I've been affiliated with as an adult, I realized then, that my life was going to change. I have to admit that it did take a bit off guard to have a gay minister and to see SGL people sitting together and being a part of the service. I even found myself doing double takes when I would forget where I was. But I think the most impressive thing was that the message wasn't watered down. This wasn't a joke and people were serious. Now don't get me wrong. I'm not talking about being deep in the way that traditional churches are. You know when people are so heaven-bound that they are no earthly good. No, these people are REAL but still have a love for God.
I wasn't long before I joined this church (Rehoboth Temple). I found myself learning to love myself again and to accept myself. Not just as a gay/bi male but as a child of God knowing that God loves me and has designed me. I found the hatred that I had for "church" and "religious people" beginning to disappear. I realized that the tactics used by some "christian" churches is a weapon of evil to make SGL people feel less than human, less than a child of God in order to create unhealthy lives, broken relationships, and no sense of well-being. In this way we will act as I did in the past and continue being the monsters that they try to make us out to be. I started to let go of so many things that I was holding onto from my past. But I think most of all, I realized that I need to apologize to so many people.
To my immediate family - I apologize for not allowing you to know who I truly am as a person and not having faith in your love for me.
To my ex-lover, boyfriends, interests - I apologize for not giving 100% of myself. For the torture that I put you through living a double life. For you having to deal with all of the pain, and insecurities. For allowing other people's limited acceptance manipulate our lives.
To my friends (who don't know me entirely -
I apologize for underestimating our friendship and love therefore giving you a pseudo-friendship. I realize by not being open and honest with you that I hindered our relationship from being deeper and more meaningful.
To my community (future generations) - I apologize for not being that pioneer to stand-up boldly, helping to bring down those old beliefs. Helping them to realize that sexuality is only a small part of us but is still a part of us. That love is love.
To my ex-girlfriend - I apologize for not being 100% open with you and my sexuality. For wasting your time and allowing you to love my guise.
To gay affirming churches - I apologize for giving my time, talent, tithes and efforts to churches that didn't accept or embrace me completely or would tolerate me as long as I was quiet. All of this time I could have been helping to raise the bar at a place of acceptance. I apologize to all of the people that I could have ministered to, allowing them to see that they do not have to put up with an abusive relationship (them and their church relationship). Sitting there being verbally abused Sunday after Sunday and being torn down on the inside.
I am not pretending to have it "all-together" as life is about on-going revelations and experiences but I know that in order to move-on, I must right the wrongs from my past.
I vow to disclose who I am to my family, loved ones, friends and anyone who needs to hear it. To live my life in a way that is healthy, and prosperous mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually.
So I decided to give it a try. And, although it is a bit smaller than many of the churches that I've been affiliated with as an adult, I realized then, that my life was going to change. I have to admit that it did take a bit off guard to have a gay minister and to see SGL people sitting together and being a part of the service. I even found myself doing double takes when I would forget where I was. But I think the most impressive thing was that the message wasn't watered down. This wasn't a joke and people were serious. Now don't get me wrong. I'm not talking about being deep in the way that traditional churches are. You know when people are so heaven-bound that they are no earthly good. No, these people are REAL but still have a love for God.
I wasn't long before I joined this church (Rehoboth Temple). I found myself learning to love myself again and to accept myself. Not just as a gay/bi male but as a child of God knowing that God loves me and has designed me. I found the hatred that I had for "church" and "religious people" beginning to disappear. I realized that the tactics used by some "christian" churches is a weapon of evil to make SGL people feel less than human, less than a child of God in order to create unhealthy lives, broken relationships, and no sense of well-being. In this way we will act as I did in the past and continue being the monsters that they try to make us out to be. I started to let go of so many things that I was holding onto from my past. But I think most of all, I realized that I need to apologize to so many people.
To my immediate family - I apologize for not allowing you to know who I truly am as a person and not having faith in your love for me.
To my ex-lover, boyfriends, interests - I apologize for not giving 100% of myself. For the torture that I put you through living a double life. For you having to deal with all of the pain, and insecurities. For allowing other people's limited acceptance manipulate our lives.
To my friends (who don't know me entirely -
I apologize for underestimating our friendship and love therefore giving you a pseudo-friendship. I realize by not being open and honest with you that I hindered our relationship from being deeper and more meaningful.
To my community (future generations) - I apologize for not being that pioneer to stand-up boldly, helping to bring down those old beliefs. Helping them to realize that sexuality is only a small part of us but is still a part of us. That love is love.
To my ex-girlfriend - I apologize for not being 100% open with you and my sexuality. For wasting your time and allowing you to love my guise.
To gay affirming churches - I apologize for giving my time, talent, tithes and efforts to churches that didn't accept or embrace me completely or would tolerate me as long as I was quiet. All of this time I could have been helping to raise the bar at a place of acceptance. I apologize to all of the people that I could have ministered to, allowing them to see that they do not have to put up with an abusive relationship (them and their church relationship). Sitting there being verbally abused Sunday after Sunday and being torn down on the inside.
I am not pretending to have it "all-together" as life is about on-going revelations and experiences but I know that in order to move-on, I must right the wrongs from my past.
I vow to disclose who I am to my family, loved ones, friends and anyone who needs to hear it. To live my life in a way that is healthy, and prosperous mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually.
Whitney Houston vs. Melonie Daniels
Part 3 to "No Turning Back" should be posted in the next couple of days but in the meantime I had to post this dream that I had last night.
It started off with Beyonce coming over to my house. Evidently we were tight like that and when she would come in town, she would just stay at my house. Anyway, she came in town for a concert where there were several artists performing. Some kind of way, I was backstage and watching Beyonce perform. But I was also in charge of getting the next artist ready to perform. So Ms. Whitney Houston was there but Melonie Daniels was performing first. So Mel walks up and we were really happy to see each other and hugged and laughed for a minute. But I remember that I wanted to go to the front of the stage for something. No sooner did I get up there and I heard this disruption. I turn around and Mel is sliding across the stage. It was Mel and Whitney fighting. I was so shocked. Mel, you could tell, didn't want to fight but Whitney was just going crazy. At one point they were rolling around on the floor pulling hair and everything. At that point Mel was just getting fed up and finally began fighting back. Some people try to break it up and separated the two. Some kind of way Whitney got loose and charged Mel, tackling her to the ground. Pumps were flying everywhere. Next thing I know, Whitney drop kicks Mel off of the stage and the stage was on fire. I woke up and was like wtf?!?
Then I had another dream where Mel was at another event and I tried to reach out to her but couldn't reach her and just about when I was ready to touch her, she vanished. I don't know what I ate but dayum.
Friday, June 12, 2009
Omar Ramon Boxing?!?
I'm sorry but I couldn't resist. I saw this pic and it reminds so much of Omar (if he were a straight boxer) LOL
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
No Looking Back (Pt 2 Shedding Layers)
After moving here, I originally stepped out boldly living my new life. Upon entering grad school and work, I was very open about my sexuality and actually began living my life without fear of reprisal. I began to really notice the full extent of the damage of living closeted. Ways previously unknown.
With that being said, there was one avenue that I tended to hold on to. In retrospect, I believe that in trying to save the relationship, I tried to cling back to the familiar with the hopes of rekindling us. I joined a COGIC church here in Jersey City (JC) and began living a double life again. You see, we met in church and both were active in the church back in the south. On the plus side, this time, I was only somewhat closeted. I was free most of the week (which I spent in NYC), it was only when I came back to JC to go to church that I put on the front. He soon followed and joined. Unfortunately, it was too late for us.
This carried on for about a year to year and a half until one day while at convocation, a preacher begin preaching about gays. That didn't bother me as much as I had become used to it by this time but because it was a message of hate. He actually said that we should get back to the days when "we" would kick little limp-wrist, sissy boys in the butt. And then to hear the church all amen and hallelujah to it struck a chord. As I sat there and wondered if he realized that if he did that today, it would be a hate crime. Something changed. It wouldn't manifest itself until a while later while I was at the church picnic. I had a wonderful time and just decided to take a walk and while on that walk it was like God himself spoke to me and told me that this life wasn't for me. That He had something better. On the way home I told my roommate that I wasn't coming back and didn't.
I tried to establish a new relationship with someone but people here just don't have the same interest in settling down as in other places that I've lived. I had my heart broken more than a few times and pretty much gave up on intrinsically dating someone with hopes of settling down. A bit lost and confused, I just began living my life any ol' kind of way. I've done some things that I am nowhere near proud of. Nothing illegal but living beneath my privilege. I had unprotected sex, began sleeping with every Tom that had a Dick that was Hairy, men, women, in-between, two-somes, three-somes, and more-somes. It is so funny how we can so quickly slip into something (I mean that in more ways than one). It is only by the grace of God that I never tested positive. I tried to feel love in any way possible. Even if it meant for me to pretend in my head while being with the one-night stands, etc. I tried to feel the love that couples had while being involved in three-somes with them. Kind of living through them. At that point, anything was better than nothing.
Then one day....
Stay tuned for part 3
With that being said, there was one avenue that I tended to hold on to. In retrospect, I believe that in trying to save the relationship, I tried to cling back to the familiar with the hopes of rekindling us. I joined a COGIC church here in Jersey City (JC) and began living a double life again. You see, we met in church and both were active in the church back in the south. On the plus side, this time, I was only somewhat closeted. I was free most of the week (which I spent in NYC), it was only when I came back to JC to go to church that I put on the front. He soon followed and joined. Unfortunately, it was too late for us.
This carried on for about a year to year and a half until one day while at convocation, a preacher begin preaching about gays. That didn't bother me as much as I had become used to it by this time but because it was a message of hate. He actually said that we should get back to the days when "we" would kick little limp-wrist, sissy boys in the butt. And then to hear the church all amen and hallelujah to it struck a chord. As I sat there and wondered if he realized that if he did that today, it would be a hate crime. Something changed. It wouldn't manifest itself until a while later while I was at the church picnic. I had a wonderful time and just decided to take a walk and while on that walk it was like God himself spoke to me and told me that this life wasn't for me. That He had something better. On the way home I told my roommate that I wasn't coming back and didn't.
I tried to establish a new relationship with someone but people here just don't have the same interest in settling down as in other places that I've lived. I had my heart broken more than a few times and pretty much gave up on intrinsically dating someone with hopes of settling down. A bit lost and confused, I just began living my life any ol' kind of way. I've done some things that I am nowhere near proud of. Nothing illegal but living beneath my privilege. I had unprotected sex, began sleeping with every Tom that had a Dick that was Hairy, men, women, in-between, two-somes, three-somes, and more-somes. It is so funny how we can so quickly slip into something (I mean that in more ways than one). It is only by the grace of God that I never tested positive. I tried to feel love in any way possible. Even if it meant for me to pretend in my head while being with the one-night stands, etc. I tried to feel the love that couples had while being involved in three-somes with them. Kind of living through them. At that point, anything was better than nothing.
Then one day....
Stay tuned for part 3
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