Morning Thoughts

I don't know if it is from the lack of sleep or what, but this morning I had so many things on my mind. One thing that was on my mind is kind of a continuation from my Kama Yo post. The song, "Back To Life" was in my head and the part that says, "However do you want me. However do you need me. Tell me, maybe I can be that for you". This is kind of my attitude toward relationships right now. It sounds strange, but it is true. I am to a point where I don't care if you want us to be just friends, friends with benefits, boyfriend, monogamous lover, open-relationship lover, or my least favorite f*** buddy. I really just want to know from people where we honestly stand. It is what it is!!! The problem is that too many people don't know what they want but I won't even get started on that. That is another post. In my thinking, I was wondering whether I have evolved into a more enlightened or open-minded person towards relationships to accept whatever one may offer or have I just become so worn down by the constant failure of trying to find my lover for life?

The truth is, as of right now, I really don't know. I know I really long for a monogamous relationship but I also enjoy being single. I like being a little flirty sometimes. I like knowing that IF I want to hook up with someone, I can (although there isn't much of that going on right now). I enjoy being able to come and go as I please. I love my "me time". I like sleeping all over my bed and not worrying about someone being knocked off. lol But at the same time I want to grow with somone. I want to buy a house together, joint credit cards, two car garage, have the "me-and-you-against-the-world mentality". I want to long and ache for someone when they are not around. I want butterflies in my stomach when we get together. I don't want the sex that you have to try to impress someone with your acrobatical skills or your unique, porn-star like positions making sure they only see my good side and angles. I want the sex that all of that doesn't really matter, it may happen, but doesn't matter. Sex that is deeper than the physical. Where we feel comfotable to just be ourselves. Sex with contentment and love. Sex where their touch on my skin will superfluously remind me of their love and dedication. In our kisses we taste each other's full lips. The same lips that express true emotions, ideas, and can either cry aloud or speak sweetly of our love. I want to look into their eyes and see galaxies of wonderful moments. I want to know their scent and the very hint of it to fill me with ectasy beyond words. The warmth of their body close to me will first chill me then heighten my sense of touch so much so that without touching I can feel when they swallow, their breath, their heartbeat, and their sincerity.