The Frame That Exists Before the Photograph

Ok, sorry it took so long to post something but after the double deaths in the family, it has been crazy. On my way back to Indy, I had time to reflect on when my mom, uncles, grandparents, etc were alive while I was growing up. I remember it was like the Cosby show. There was all of the love that I could have ever wanted in just those few people. Even throughout the bad times, the love was more than evident. I often brag about being blessed with having my great-great grandmothers living until I was in high school and both sets of my great-grandparents were alive to see me graduate from high school. All of them passing their wisdom down to me. The long talks, how they could explain the world to me and teach me how to be a better person. I have to admit my life has been a pretty photograph overall.

I really didn't realized how much I missed my family until I went back. This time is was very evident that they missed me too. I could see in the younger one's eyes and hear in their voice that they are looking for me to be what my mom, uncle, and grandmother were to me when I was growing up. They want me to be that pillar in the family. The one that keeps everyone together. The one that keeps everyone sane. The confidant, the listening ear, the open heart, the one that just understands.

I was at the funeral and really just thought how bitter-sweet this experience was for me. Even with all of the happiness of seeing each other after so long, there was also a blinding light. For the first time, I could notice the fear, feel their lost of drive, smell the realization of their mortality in each of the older generation's very being. I could read in their eyes as they looked at each other, "Who's next?"

For the first time I see the frame that exists before the photograph.

5 comments:

ww4p (ww4p.com/blog) March 01, 2008 4:44 PM  

I really didn't realized how much I missed my family until I went back.

^^^

Amen. Family is golden and a lot of times we forget how much we enjoy being with and around family members.

Paula D. March 04, 2008 9:22 AM  

Welcome back :-)
Yes, family is what makes us whole. Glad you had a chance to reconnect.

Promiscuous X March 06, 2008 9:47 AM  

Wow Ty.. I just read your last post..Im sorry fro your lost. I hope your okay....I send my condolences man. Stay up ...Ty you are a beautiful person

fuzzy March 07, 2008 6:02 AM  

That's exactly what my great uncle said before he died. All of his sisters had passed when I was not born or when I was younger. My grandmother was the last of his siblings to die and he looked at me and said, "you have to be strong for your mom and aunt when I die" I said "but you are here and looking pretty good!" He died in his sleep shortly after telling me that. I was devastated!

It is a huge responsibility to have on you to be the glue of the family. I actually drafted a post and never posted it because I was not ready for the responsibility of holding a mass group of people together. Part of me doesn't want it!

I feel for you and have much for love for you! Be cool Ty!

Lyrically speaking March 07, 2008 6:14 AM  

Very cool post Ty Ty, I always feel that way when I visit my fam in the westcoast, lots of fond memories. Hope you're doing better, keep in touch :) Love ya!

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