Torn

Well people, I have met someone. Things are still very early but I believe that he is truly interested. Of course, that is how it always starts out but time will tell. I am torn though, with a few things.

Number one: He is a smoker. He hasn't shown himself to be a chain smoker but will have one or two a day. I don't really notice the smell of cigarettes until we kiss. In case you don't know, I llllloooooovvvvveeee to kiss. So the smell of cancer-waiting-to-happen is a turn-off.

Number two: He is a bit closeted. He says that he doesn't really have too many gay friends. And his "straight" friends don't know about him. He is so bad that he didn't even want to meet up with me and some friends on Christopher street during day light hours. WTF!!! I will have to say that he did do it though but that is a major red flag to me. It is really confusing being that I think he is a total bottom. HUH?!? On top of that he is always babysitting his straight friend's baby.

Number three: I have REALLY been enjoying the single life lately.

Number four: Although he is latino, he seems to deplore anything latino. Sniff.... sniff.....sniff. I smell self-hatred.

Outside of these issues, he treats me with the utmost respect. We always have a good time when we are together. He is one of the few people who can make me laugh when I'm irritated. He goes out of his way to see me, hang out with me and, hallelujah, picks up the check frequently. I guess we will see what happens.

14 comments:

Cocoa Rican October 22, 2007 8:13 PM  

Well... start with the points that you can't compromise with, namely the smoking. You won't be able to bitch and moan about it later, if you were aware of it - and okay with it - and the onset. Second, I'm Puerto Rican and love my culture, but the majority of my friends are black - go figure...there's absolutely NO self hatred here. Like you, I've been conflicted about enjoying being single and suddenly finding myself in a relationship...I chose to be happy in a pair...but hey, let's see what happens. As for the spending...outside of users, I don't put too much weight on the material shyt men can come up with. Good luck, take it light, enjoy the ride....just don't compromise you for a relationship.

Sean Stone October 23, 2007 5:52 AM  

Coming from someone who was once closeted, I can (kinda) understand what your guy's going through. Plus, the spark (if not a little campfire) is still fresh. As you said, time will tell, so take your time getting to know each other a little more.

yet another black guy October 23, 2007 6:40 AM  

"So the smell of cancer-waiting-to-happen is a turn off", LOL!!!

he must have something going on because it's enough to make you look past certain things and hope for the best down the road. personally, i say go for it. if things don't work out, at least you gave it a shot.

plus if he was willing to go outside his comfort zone for you, then he sees something going on in you as well. GOOD LUCK!

Ty October 23, 2007 9:55 AM  

@ cocoa - - I have to say that I think that it is more than just a preference. When I say that he deplores anything latino, I mean DEPLORE. He doesn't want to be associated with latino, hates the dances, music and culture or anyone to call him latino. It is truly more than just a preference. That is what concerns me.

bLaQ~n~MiLD October 23, 2007 12:17 PM  

Hmmmmmmm....What's the booty look like...? LMAO. Naw I don't have anything intelligent to say right now except to take it one day at a time. Remember, 'dating' is not a relationship.

(Booty...? O I'll ask you later LoL)

~Damnit!

WhozHe October 23, 2007 1:39 PM  

Those red flags are not to be ignored. He probably will make a great guy to date and even to form some sort of friendship, but a relationship, I wouldn't go there.

ShawnQt October 23, 2007 2:23 PM  

Im so happy for Ty-riffic!
So I guess having him over for a function is out of the question huh? lol.

go through the process, see what happens...

Jersey Brotha October 23, 2007 8:04 PM  

I agree with Point # 1 (hope he at least has the decency to carry gum with him) and definitely Point #3! Being single is not a bad thing at all! But good luck Ty. You're a good dude.

Lyrically speaking October 24, 2007 10:11 AM  

First, must say CONGRATS on having someone wonderful in your life. BUT...you had me frowning when you mentioned that he couldn't even meet you on Christopher Street. If you're seeing too many red flags, is it really worth it? Hmmmmm, just be very careful, have nothing but love for you Ty :) Miss ya!!

Cocoa Rican October 24, 2007 12:01 PM  

Well...that's a horse of a different color...
I'm so proud to be Puerto Rican and my black friends know it and respect it. I love them and they love me, but it doesn't compromise who or what I am. I always have an issue with folks who don't appear to like the skin their in - know that that's what it boils down to.
In the end, it's your call. My man loves my Puerto Rican ass and I wouldn't have him any different that being his red self...but in the end, I'd be disturbed if he hated being black and I suspect he'd detest me attempting to be anything other than Puerto Rican.

Kensilo October 25, 2007 5:39 AM  

Wow Congrats man. Talk to him about your concerns. Like you said just wait and see how things turn out. Wish you the best.

Nef October 25, 2007 9:18 AM  

69 Hours later I respond :).... What to say, but go with what feels right. At the end it's with ourselves we dealwith on whether or not we're content. If he's what makes you happy now go with the flow. But at the same time let him know how you feel about the "red flags" your seeing now. That way if a relationship does develop you've had your say on what bothers you. I can personally say in my last relationship my former BF knew I was an occasional smoker. He stated he didn't like me smoking, and so I stopped. In perspective it all narrows down to what each person is willing to do for a relationship to flourish and develop.... Ok... I'll stop as I can go on for ever on my Nefism theories on relationships.

My only advise is follow what feels right. Our subconscious mind has a way of thinking ahead and dropping hints to our conscious part.... :þ

One Man’s Opinion October 27, 2007 8:00 PM  

Sounds like the things you mentioned are majoy issued for you. You just gotta be honest with yourself and decide if this is the one or just "one" (one to be with because it is better than being alone). If it is the latter, than I agree with Whozhe, as much as it pains me to do so.

fuzzy October 29, 2007 10:34 AM  

weigh the bad and the good. see what works best for you. I'm not he best one to give advise about relationships right now but follow your heart.

Followers